[So much for memory!]

I’ve been “briefed” that I met Carl McCoy on September 15th 1988 at the Leas Cliff Hall [and NOT in October 1990 at a Brixton Academy gig as I first wrote!]. I gifted him something [which remains private between us]. The item I gave to him was kept in his personal touring case and went with him [I was reliably informed of this much later by Steve] everywhere. My friend/s and I got friendly with Steve [the tour/road/manager], he saw us regularly at various venues so we were familiar faces to him, if he had the time we would chat before the gigs and he’d tell us what the setlist consisted of. He arranged for Carl [and other band members] to meet me [I also took my best mate with me] that night before they went onstage, Carl [he looked very delicate, smaller than I originally thought for someone with such an immense voice, he was strikingly attractive, I think I remember that he was wearing his yellow/amber lenses; this gave him a truly ethereal look. He was dusted grey with loads of flour] was very gracious, shy and polite, sadly our meeting was rudely interrupted by a large throng of noisy fans [that obviously got wind of the band being there with us] who suddenly appeared, we exchanged a few words before he was hurriedly ushered away to safety. Carl sang Last Exit For The Lost to me, although he did not dedicate it with words he did make 100% eye contact [when he had them open that is]. It’s a great memory, especially after my mate nudged me and said something along the lines of – “f*ck, he’s singing to you, he keeps looking at you!” Until she nudged me hard in the side I was completely unaware! Carl said later that the Folkestone gig was one of his “most memorable” and that the crowd was wild that night. It was probably because Kent doesn’t get a lot excitement!

Happy days! 🙂


After a gig on the South Coast [Southend?] the band’s road crew [I think there was a band member there too, Yatesy] and I were on the promenade, they were trying to get some cash together to get a few beers, I was astounded as they all went through their pockets [turning them inside out] and could only find just under £3! I recall, when I asked/quizzed them about the rock n roll lifestyle they said something along the lines of “we get/see fuck all from the management” [!!] I still had a fiver and some change in my jeans, I gave it to them and we bundled into their vehicle and headed for the offy! I must add that at no point was I a “groupie” the Nephs crew were always gentleman and treated me/us with respect at all times!


After another gig in London, my mate and I were given a lift [as far to our homes in Kent as they could take us without taking a detour from their Essex destination] in the bus/mini van and dropped off on the hard shoulder of the M2. I remember there was lots of roadworks in place but we safely navigated our way through the melee before hitching a lift with a random stranger.

British Rail

We’d either hitch-hike to a gig, bundle into a mates vehicle or take a train. I don’t think I/we ever paid for a ticket on BR travelling to a Neph gig, we’d always cram ourselves into the toilets [ewww!] for the journey and when we got closer to our destination station we’d undo the Self Raising and throw it everywhere! You couldn’t hardly breathe in there and when we let ourselves out a big plume of dust [flour] followed in our wake!

Reading 1988

The band surfaced in the late afternoon and Steve [manager] gave me 4 large promo photos as a gift. Many years later, I sold them for good money to a collector: I always regretted that!

Brixton Gigs

During one set I was near the side of the stage in the pit [band side of the barriers] and nicked a bright yellow [it wasn’t my colour though] Brixton Academy security t-shirt. I wore it to almost all the BA FOTN gigs, to get the best spot I’d just push my way through shouting “SECURITY!” I was like Moses, people cleared out of my way, it worked like a charm!


During the latter part of the 80’s and early 90’s I was close to some bikers, some were HA’s others were not. I tried desperately to convince them to come en masse to Fields gigs with me but they always refused because they “ain’t into Goth.” I tried to explain that Nephilim were more metal than goth but they were not having any of it. I did finally manage to get at least one of them to come with me. Andy G met me outside the Town and Country Club in Kentish Town one evening. It was like taking my very own McCoy clone to the gig! Andy was a gorgeous looking bloke, similar hair colour and style as CM, similar clothes but a lot taller at 6″ 2 and his lovely grey eyes were real! He came loaded with bottles of San Miguel hidden on the inside of his leather jacket. Poor Andy though, I left him leaning up against a wall for the duration of the set while I created utter mayhem among the goths who we quite despised [for their shallowness and crap but expensive clothes!]. Carl himself said, “As far as we were concerned goth was architecture. We knew we were part of an alternative scene, but we certainly didn’t consider it goth.” Most FOTN fans hated them too, because most of them were just hooray Henrietta’s who spent their parents cash handouts on travelling to the gigs in fucking taxi’s [or daddy drove them] and staying in B&B’s. They were only there for window dressing. They were always going to be a target for the die-hard fans who would often single them out for maximum damage! Although I don’t have the same feeling of loathing towards them as I once did, I still quite dislike this superficial culture [goths] even today.

Recognise your arm Andy? The rest of the pic is a little naked!

Happy days 😉

Body Slamming [or Moshing]

Grab the nearest stranger by the arms [they grab you in same way] and attempt to shove them backwards [a bit like sumo wrestling without the nappy!] for all you’re worth as they try to do the same to you, now that was fun! An alternative variation [and my favourite!] was to just slam yourself into some unsuspecting group of people or a Goth [singular] for maximum damage! Yes; I was a hooligan, and proud! I’m not big [female 5′ 5″ tall with standard medium frame ] but I think I may have bruised a few [rib] bones, although none of them were my own.

Those Silly Goths

In hindsight, it was probably a little cruel of me, but I used to be in stitches watching the goths, esp the girls [who had probably spent loads of money on some of their elaborate black costumes] break down in floods of tears as the music and mayhem roared onward! Their costumes got badly torn, lots of them got bruised and bloodied after being body slammed, I saw many of them head for [or try to!] the exit long before the end of the set. At the time I found it all quite a giggle, at least I had dressed for the occasion…you just didn’t dress up for a Neph gig! 🙂


Considered to be the Fields hardcore fans some of us were dubbed as the “Bonanzas” [although I hated the term, and didn’t hang around much with the other bonanza’s, if at all, most of them were blokes and off of their heads!] I think the reason for the name was simply because some of us dressed in Western theme attire and because of our regular appearances at the gigs. I dressed in black jeans, black leather ankle boots, a leather biker jacket that was falling apart [I loved that fucking jacket; a gift from Rob A] braces combined with an oversized white granddad collar shirt and of course all decked out with a very generous dusting of self-raising! I witnessed Bonanza’s doing some of the most mental stuff I had ever seen at a gig, I won’t forget the very tall precarious looking living pyramids of sweaty bodies, they were very shaky! I wouldn’t have liked to be the one at the top! Me? I went there for the music, not to tit around.


[Below is what I was told, but whether the story I was given was true is up for debate!]

I won’t divulge the source who told me this but, waiting outside [the rear exit for the band to arrive for the gig] in London 1989 I saw another band related familiar face arriving by car. As he parked, we [Ed, Dan and myself] went over to his car and chatted with him for a few minutes. As we waffled on our chat moved to the band, he informed us that it was dodgy time and things were running later than planned, then he went on to say M had a girlfriend and [they had a kid, whom the man referred to as Sky] and that the relationship with the GF was a toxic one as she was a bit of a “nut job,” he added that it wasn’t uncommon for them to split up 2 or 3 [he was probably exaggerating] times a week. At the time he spoke to us, they had split up [again], he said this toxic relationship was causing problems, tensions reverberating throughout the band. He seemed genuinely irritated by the melee. I remember the chat because I thought that I might have a chance of getting in there [if ya know what I mean!] 😂